2/9/06
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Quiet house!
I'm the only one hear and it's a scary feeling. I don't like to be alone. I used to love my "me time" but now I'm always afraid that something will happen and no one will be here to help me. It's completely silent and all I hear is the dishwasher running. Can that dumb old thing call 911 if I need it to? No husband, son, dog or guest right now. Just me, and I don't like it. I need to hurry up and write and move on with my day and wait to not be alone anymore. Soon I'll have people around me but this feeling of no one here now is unpleasant to me and I feel really scared. Why should I be scared? It's just me and my house alone. Well I guess I have you who is reading this.I dreamt again last night, I guess you dream every night so they say but this time I dreamt of God or Jesus I can't remember. It was a man and he looked like the guy in Passion of Christ so I'm assuming it was Jesus. And he told me to "Ask for forgiveness in the things I have done in my past to hurt others. Do it now before time is up." Deep huh? I know Maybe that is why I was dreaming of Saints before, maybe that is why I'm scared to sit alone in my house. Because I don't know it my time is up. I hope not, at least when I haven't even started to ask for my forgiveness from the people I think I've hurt over my past years. So if you get a letter from me or an email telling you I'm sorry or what not or some sort of explanation why things happened the way they did. Then I guess I feel that I owe you a reasoning and feel the need to say I'm sorry for what ever it is. If you don't get one, well it's not that I don't care. I just feel rather we've moved past that stage or that I don't think I have did anything to ask for forgiveness for. I guess the ones who don't get something for me, have been there like a marriage "Better or worse and sickness and in health." So I'm gonna sign off, start my day and start getting these letters out.Mood: extremely excited to start a clean slate in my life.Feeling: even though I'm scare to be alone, I am feeling wonderful over allQuote: Read above what Jesus said to me in my dreams. That's a deep enough quote for me.
posted by carmen @ 8:08 AM
Quiet house!
I'm the only one hear and it's a scary feeling. I don't like to be alone. I used to love my "me time" but now I'm always afraid that something will happen and no one will be here to help me. It's completely silent and all I hear is the dishwasher running. Can that dumb old thing call 911 if I need it to? No husband, son, dog or guest right now. Just me, and I don't like it. I need to hurry up and write and move on with my day and wait to not be alone anymore. Soon I'll have people around me but this feeling of no one here now is unpleasant to me and I feel really scared. Why should I be scared? It's just me and my house alone. Well I guess I have you who is reading this.I dreamt again last night, I guess you dream every night so they say but this time I dreamt of God or Jesus I can't remember. It was a man and he looked like the guy in Passion of Christ so I'm assuming it was Jesus. And he told me to "Ask for forgiveness in the things I have done in my past to hurt others. Do it now before time is up." Deep huh? I know Maybe that is why I was dreaming of Saints before, maybe that is why I'm scared to sit alone in my house. Because I don't know it my time is up. I hope not, at least when I haven't even started to ask for my forgiveness from the people I think I've hurt over my past years. So if you get a letter from me or an email telling you I'm sorry or what not or some sort of explanation why things happened the way they did. Then I guess I feel that I owe you a reasoning and feel the need to say I'm sorry for what ever it is. If you don't get one, well it's not that I don't care. I just feel rather we've moved past that stage or that I don't think I have did anything to ask for forgiveness for. I guess the ones who don't get something for me, have been there like a marriage "Better or worse and sickness and in health." So I'm gonna sign off, start my day and start getting these letters out.Mood: extremely excited to start a clean slate in my life.Feeling: even though I'm scare to be alone, I am feeling wonderful over allQuote: Read above what Jesus said to me in my dreams. That's a deep enough quote for me.
posted by carmen @ 8:08 AM
posted by Carmen San Diego @ 12:51 PM
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