Bitter Sweet

Well the family has come and gone. Today we are back to the 3 of us; well 4 if you include the laziest dog I know. LOL! It's nice to have the house back to what we call "normal" but I miss them all so much. I get so emotional now a days. I guess I just know that my time is so short and valuable to see my loved ones that I never want to say good bye. My Uncle, Aunt, and Grandma left on Saturday and although I was half asleep when they left, once they did leave the room I couldn't control my tears. I'm just so scared I wont see them again. I mean not just me but my Grandmother is also getting up there in age and with age well anything can happen. I cried myself back to sleep but then I was talking to my mom and again I started to cry telling her I just hate saying goodbye to anyone now because I know my time is running out unless I get a transplant and it is just scary/sad. I don't want to have to say good bye; not now!

I finally got my tears under control for the next few days but again today I had to say goodbye to my parents and Nik and cried all the way to work. I guess people say a good cry is good every know and then but I don't like it, not when it's saying good bye to my love ones. I want to be around a long time and just pray for a transplant.

Other than having to say good bye, their stay was awesome. We talked Brad/Lynn in staying at the house so they wouldn't have to drink and drive and so we really got to let our hair down so to speak. It was truly great seeing them. I never thought anyone would visit us out here other than my parents but they surprised me. The guys went to a baseball game one night and we the girl to a casino. Then we had pork steaks one night which was awesome and played many of games. We laughed, drank and ate way to much and even on the days were I wasn't feeling all that well we hung out at home and made the best of it. They were a huge help around the house with cooking and cleaning which now a days we really appreciate it. With Mike still on recovery and me the way I am it's nice having company that doesn't mind lending a hand here and there.

So our life is back to normal now and it's nice to have Dominic back in his room but I already miss them all and can't wait t0 have them all return. Like my title it is a bitter sweet feeling but I know I will see them again. I will do what ever I need to be able to fight this crappy disease and enjoy my family and friends.

Friday I go to the Pulmonary doctor to beg him to send me back to UCSD because I know that I am not the same and am getting weaker everyday. Hopefully he will agree to give me a referral and the Dr. Mc Grumpy I saw the last time (Dr. Yung) will say it's time to start the process of getting put on the transplant list. I'll keep you posted.

Carmen San Diego

3 things I'm happy for:

1. my wonderful family for visiting me.
2. my son who is a real trooper when it comes to giving up his room for company.
3. air mattress' because with out them we wouldn't of been able to have everyone stay with us.