Week Three:
Well I am down another pound. I’m now 150.6. I’m happy about this because I had a rough week. Got sick in the beginning so I didn’t do any exercising because I was so winded. I even almost quit the diet/herbs because I thought just maybe that was another sign, (getting sick) but I didn’t. Again I haven’t cheated either; which for me is really really unusual because with everything in my life that comes to my weight loss or food I’ve cheated. I’m not sure what is so different this time. Maybe it’s my hope that this will work and save my life. Who knows? I just know it’s weird for me not to turn to food to reward myself, punish myself or to turn to it when I’m stressed as well. I’m not to sure about this new me. I sort of freak myself out that I’m having such will power not to turn to food or wine when in the past they have become my best friends.
Looking back I can remember the last time I was exactly 150.6. The reason why I remember this so easily is because I was doing Weight Watchers and as anyone knows they weigh you every time you go to a meeting. I had started gaining 2 pounds every time I went to a meeting and finally when I tip the scale to 150.6 (I hadn’t weighed that since I was pregnant) I finally quit WW and decided my new life was going to be a fat person and not worry about how big I got. Yes I went through a depression state back then but I had good reason. Dominic was in the middle of his 1st grade and that was when I went on my chemo/steroid treatment and Michael went out to sea for 6 months. So this weight is a great memory to me, to where I’ve come from. Dominic is now in the 5th grade and I’m still here. I could be better but I could be a lot worse too.
I may have been lighter in my years; I actually remember getting down to 110 pounds. It was right after I had Dominic and I was going through a lot of stress and was overweight and so I turned to those wonderful (NOT!) diet pills Phen Phen. (Yes, I too fell for the wonder pill). I thought I was happy because I could slip into a size 2, something I never had been able to do on my own with diet and exercise but came to realize that a size on your tag doesn’t always make you happy. I wanted attention so bad and looked in all the wrong places for it. Through sex, drugs and rock n roll. You name it I pretty much did it searching so something I thought I was missing. This burning desire to have attention. I have since then grown up though, took me a while but finally at 33 I realize (yes I guess I’m a late bloomer) that I don’t need to search or look for attention. If I can’t make myself happy then no one really can make me happy either. So why keep searching for attention when really all I need to do is give myself the attention I need. I have always focused on everyone else that I forget to stop and think about me at time. I’m learning in my 30’s that everyone needs a “time out” to be alone and to meditate. Don’t get me wrong I still want some attention. I don’t want to be totally isolated but instead of trying to find this attention in places where I searched before such as through men, being the class clown, or tough friend people relied on to bully their enemies, or even falling for peer pressure and experimenting with things I shouldn’t have all for that “attention”; instead the attention I wanted has been there all the time. It’s my attention I give myself. Tuning into my needs and wants. That plus the attention I have grown to need from my husband, son, mom and dad is all I need.
So back to this weeks progress. I didn’t feel any drastic change like I had hoped. Like I mentioned earlier this week I almost quit because I’m waiting for this huge change to happen and it’s not. I was sick in the beginning of the week, so my morning cough came back but yesterday I woke up feeling better and this afternoon so far I still feel pretty darn good. If anything I’m just happy to feel good and when I feel good I feel great so that is something I don’t say very often these days. This week I’m on the start of week 3 and I’m down 4 pounds total so if anything at all comes from this new lifestyle of mine I bet I will continue to lose weight (slowly) and probably improve my cholesterol levels since the last time I got it check (about 2 ½ years ago) it was on the high side. I plan on getting back into walking Caya again this week for our short walks and doing yoga at least twice this coming week. Monday I go for my CAT scan and my breathing test (which are always terrible, because I have a lung disease. Duh!!) but hopefully the CAT scan will come back that nothing has changed since last year which would be awesome. If they see no more new growth of Fibrosis I will be ecstatic. It should come back ok because I just had a CAT scan done in May and everything looked the same so I’m sure nothing has changed in the past few months. Now if they tell me some of the growth is gone (seriously doubt) then I will know that the Tibetan doctor was right and he could clear some of it away if I stuck to the herbs and diet. I have been told that you can’t get rid of the fibrosis once its there but if for some reason that happens, then I guess miracles do happen. Well I need to get ready for Dominic’s football game.
Until I can think of something else to write,
Carmen San Diego
Looking back I can remember the last time I was exactly 150.6. The reason why I remember this so easily is because I was doing Weight Watchers and as anyone knows they weigh you every time you go to a meeting. I had started gaining 2 pounds every time I went to a meeting and finally when I tip the scale to 150.6 (I hadn’t weighed that since I was pregnant) I finally quit WW and decided my new life was going to be a fat person and not worry about how big I got. Yes I went through a depression state back then but I had good reason. Dominic was in the middle of his 1st grade and that was when I went on my chemo/steroid treatment and Michael went out to sea for 6 months. So this weight is a great memory to me, to where I’ve come from. Dominic is now in the 5th grade and I’m still here. I could be better but I could be a lot worse too.
I may have been lighter in my years; I actually remember getting down to 110 pounds. It was right after I had Dominic and I was going through a lot of stress and was overweight and so I turned to those wonderful (NOT!) diet pills Phen Phen. (Yes, I too fell for the wonder pill). I thought I was happy because I could slip into a size 2, something I never had been able to do on my own with diet and exercise but came to realize that a size on your tag doesn’t always make you happy. I wanted attention so bad and looked in all the wrong places for it. Through sex, drugs and rock n roll. You name it I pretty much did it searching so something I thought I was missing. This burning desire to have attention. I have since then grown up though, took me a while but finally at 33 I realize (yes I guess I’m a late bloomer) that I don’t need to search or look for attention. If I can’t make myself happy then no one really can make me happy either. So why keep searching for attention when really all I need to do is give myself the attention I need. I have always focused on everyone else that I forget to stop and think about me at time. I’m learning in my 30’s that everyone needs a “time out” to be alone and to meditate. Don’t get me wrong I still want some attention. I don’t want to be totally isolated but instead of trying to find this attention in places where I searched before such as through men, being the class clown, or tough friend people relied on to bully their enemies, or even falling for peer pressure and experimenting with things I shouldn’t have all for that “attention”; instead the attention I wanted has been there all the time. It’s my attention I give myself. Tuning into my needs and wants. That plus the attention I have grown to need from my husband, son, mom and dad is all I need.
So back to this weeks progress. I didn’t feel any drastic change like I had hoped. Like I mentioned earlier this week I almost quit because I’m waiting for this huge change to happen and it’s not. I was sick in the beginning of the week, so my morning cough came back but yesterday I woke up feeling better and this afternoon so far I still feel pretty darn good. If anything I’m just happy to feel good and when I feel good I feel great so that is something I don’t say very often these days. This week I’m on the start of week 3 and I’m down 4 pounds total so if anything at all comes from this new lifestyle of mine I bet I will continue to lose weight (slowly) and probably improve my cholesterol levels since the last time I got it check (about 2 ½ years ago) it was on the high side. I plan on getting back into walking Caya again this week for our short walks and doing yoga at least twice this coming week. Monday I go for my CAT scan and my breathing test (which are always terrible, because I have a lung disease. Duh!!) but hopefully the CAT scan will come back that nothing has changed since last year which would be awesome. If they see no more new growth of Fibrosis I will be ecstatic. It should come back ok because I just had a CAT scan done in May and everything looked the same so I’m sure nothing has changed in the past few months. Now if they tell me some of the growth is gone (seriously doubt) then I will know that the Tibetan doctor was right and he could clear some of it away if I stuck to the herbs and diet. I have been told that you can’t get rid of the fibrosis once its there but if for some reason that happens, then I guess miracles do happen. Well I need to get ready for Dominic’s football game.
Until I can think of something else to write,
Carmen San Diego
posted by Carmen San Diego @ 12:59 PM
1 Comments:
At 1:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
Carmen - I'm glad you've lost another pound and are feeling better! I hope the CAT scan goes well!
I know the diet is hard! I am going to have to start my son on some new diets soon, and am dreading it. He was on a wheat/milk-free diet for about 9 months, and will probably have to do some more rotation diets. I really hate cooking, so that's part of the dread -- finding things to eat that my whole family will like, and figuring out how to cook them without adding forbidden foods. I know it will be good for him, and for me, too, since I won't be eating as much bad stuff, but still. Taking all the MSG and other bad stuff that is added to nearly every processed food out of our diet won't be easy, but it will be good for us!
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