It all sunk in and..

Well I've had my nap and had a chance to let it all sink in and truthfully I don't feel as upbeat about it all as I was earlier. I'm actually a little scared and down. I'm terrified of the whole operation of a transplant but then again I get worried or panic when I get my teeth cleaned. But I guess these are all emotions that anyone deals with when they go through a divorce, get pregnant, get diagnosed with cancer, accept they are an addict of some sort, or have someone die. Emotions man they can really fuck with someone can't they? Any change in a persons life can have them go through these emotions but it can really be a roller coaster. I know I need to stay positive for my well being but also for my families sake, but its hard at times, to pretend when you really are scared shitless.

Anyways, like anything in my life I will overcome this feeling of fear and pick up where I left off in good spirits. Where there's a incline there is always a decline. I guess that isn't a good thing to say when you are talking about a disease, so how about every negative has a positive, so I just need to find that positive and reflect on that.

I know in my heart that getting put on oxygen will be so much better for me but its they whole idea of people knowing, I'm a handicap that I'm not ready to deal with. I'll get past that I know. I just need to take baby steps to get there.

Thanks for listening,
Carmen