Today

My personal horoscope read:
"In a gorgeous bouquet, it's not the perfect flower that catches your eye first. Rather, it's the bloom that's slightly off-color or the crumpled petal that draws your attention and inspiration. Carry this idea of tragic beauty with you throughout your day, and appreciate how inspiring imperfections can truly be. Learn how to accept what you used to see as 'ugly' ... embrace it as a new type of aesthetic appeal. Be content with the unconventional today. -"

with that said I will share with you this:
I just wanted everyone to know that after getting the result from my last pulmonary function test that my doctor has decided to put me on oxygen. He wants me to use it as much as possible but I told him I wasn't mentally ready for that step yet. He said he can't force me to do anything but strongly suggest that I use it while sleeping and when I exert myself.

We, my doctor, husband, son and I all are looking at this in a positive short term fix. Being on oxygen will give me more energy to do the things I haven't been able to do lately like walk Caya, exercise, help more with the house cleaning and simply not be so winded all the time. But we also realize that this means that a transplant is nearer in my future than any of us really wanted to accept, and also that my disease isn't in remission like we hoped and that it my health is declining slowly.

However, we are staying positive and I will use my O2 at home and while I sleep, but when it comes to leaving the house with it, I am going to have to take baby steps with that. I don't want anyone staring at me or feeling sorry for me, and I think if I'm walking around with tubes up my nose that is exactly what I'll get; (stares and looks of pity or empathy).

So I just wanted to let you all know this and to thank you all again for all your support you've giving me so far. I'm going to let this all sink in over a nap and maybe wake up to a glass of wine. Ha Ha!!!

Have a wonderful weekend,
Carmen

P.S. I'm not actually on oxygen yet. They had to order it and someone comes to my house with it and explains all the details about wearing it and everything. I will not be carrying a large tank around with me like a clown, blowing up balloons. I will have the smaller back-pack one the doctor said so if you have cute book-bags you want to send me I'd love to have some to coordinate with my outfits. I know I shouldn't joke about it but sometimes humor is what gets you through hard times.