Heart Catheter's DO Hurt!!!

Yesterday I went through my final test, the right heart catheter for my lung evaluation. For anyone who told me it wouldn't hurt, they lied because it was pretty darn painful and I swear a few times I felt they were drilling in my hip bone. They said they probably hit a nerve or something but they had a hard time getting into my veins due to my Raynaud’s so they kept hitting my artery. This made me bleed more and longer. At one point they gave up on my groin area and decided to try my neck but that didn't work either so they went back to my groin and I kept having to tell them it was hurting really bad. They would keep giving me numbing medicine but for some reason I could still feel it. I wanted them to try my neck again because it didn't seem to hurt as bad so at one point I had one doctor trying my groin and the other doctor trying my neck and a nurse drying me tears and trying to calm me down because I was a nervous wreck. My anxiety did get the worse of me that's for sure because they kept on poking me. At one point I pleaded to put me to sleep (or drugged induced sleepy) because I knew my anxiety was the main reason I was so out of control. Not like yelling and screaming but just so worried that they wouldn't be able to get it and shit it hurt, so I just wanted it done. I really think that if I was semi- awake I would have been better and not needed as much pain medicines.

Gratefully, I don’t have hypertension, my stats were high but still in the normal range. So I have a good heart (but I always knew I was good-hearted LOL). Dr. Yung said that all those years of me exercising (outside of recently and me losing the weight) really gave me a great heart. Dr. Yung said that, that was great news but the only thing would be that it would lower my score on the transplant list, but that it would also let them know that my heart will survive such a huge operation. That later if I get on the transplant list, they won’t have to worry about my heart giving out during the operation. So Tuesday they are going to present my case to the board, and shortly there after I will know if I will be put on the transplant list or not.

The heart catheter only lasted about 10 minutes (if that) once they got into the vein but they just kept telling me that I was "so petite" that it was really hard to get my vein and my Raynaud's didn't help them either. It kept closing my veins up on them forcing them not to get the vein. I knew that would happen because it has happened in the past when they had to get my artery in my wrist.

Three things really freaked me out:

1. I could feel the tube go through my body. I felt it hit my stomach or close by (the nurse said it was probably pushing my ovaries and then I felt it right below my ribs and then I got a warm sensation when I guess the tube/camera got to the heart. That was weird. I felt like I had a worm in my body, like the movie "Aliens".
2. I thought I peed my pants or the operating table (I had no clothes on I was completely naked which was a little weird since I had so many males in the room, but like I keep telling everyone once you've gone through child birth and all the other medical crap I've gown through I have no more private parts) but it actually was blood that I felt drip down there because they did hit my artery once or twice and so it bleed a lot.
3. I got the shakes, not like a seizure but I shook at different places at different times. I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack or something. It was once they were actually in with the camera because I remember the lights being turn on and off for the x-ray machine. I remember my left arm moving with out me wanting it to, then my hand, then it would move down to my knee, shin and then foot. After it went through my left side it moved up my right side starting from my foot and slowly moving up to my face. Each place lasting about 15-20 seconds. I was more scared about that than anything and then cried for Dr. Yung because I was so scared I didn't know what was going on with my body. He kept telling me I was doing great that my heart look really good and everything was normal that it was probably just from all the pain medicine and my anxiety. I made him promise me and look into me eyes. I told him not to lie to me know matter what and he laughed at me and said "You're just like a little kid", telling him not to lie and to look into his eyes. I just felt if he looked into my eyes I could tell if he was trying to candy coat anything. But he said everything was OK. He also patted my head which for him is the first time he's ever showed me bedside manners so I do believe him and trust he wouldn't of lied to me if something was wrong. He isn't the type to candy coat anyhow but being that I was in the state I was in maybe he would. So any of you doctors, nurses or techs. IDC's, corpsman that read this and can explain the shakes to me please do. Mike said he actually saw a lady put herself in a coma her anxiety was so bad so maybe it was my anxiety but it sure scared the hell out of me.

It was a long day I was there from 7:45am or so until 2pm I believe because they have to make sure you stop bleeding, but last night I was still bleeding and going through bandages but that could also be my fault because I took a shower to get rid of that orange stuff they put all over my leg and neck but it has now stopped and is just super sore. I've been popping my Vicodin every 5 hours or so, so if this entry is not making sense you now know why. I had all day to recuperated and tomorrow I'm back to work. I'm limping a bit but I think that's just because my hips are already so sensitive (due to my Scleroderma) that doing anything else on top of the normal pain makes it harder for me to get over.

It's over now and I can say "Thank F'ing God" because all my test other than little ones are over and now it's just a waiting game. Thanks for all your support and keep me in your prayer that I get on this transplant list.

3 Things I'm happy for today:

• My evaluation being over with and just praying, hoping, wishing that the board finds me a good candidate.
• My husband being there for me yesterday. I know I was a big whiner. Even I said "Jeez, I'm a whiner but I hurt."
• Lucinda and Monica this morning for making me laugh a bit when I called them. They helped me forget about the pain for a bit. Thanks girls!!!