Happy Birthday Grandma.

Today is the 4th of July. And while everyone usually celebrates America with fireworks, BBQ's, beach/pool parties and booze; I often remember my Grandma who I called Muh. Today is her birthday. She's passed on now and I believe if she was still alive she would of been around 75. She died of cancer of the pancreas when I was only 20 I believe. It took her life so fast that I never really got to tell her goodbye. Actually I think know matter how fast it (the cancer) took her life I still wouldn't of been able to say goodbye the way I wish I could of done looking back now. She lived on one coast and me the other. I was also 20 which means I was so wrapped up in me and my life that you never stop and smell the roses so to say. At 20 you don't appreciate everything that someone does for you, or atleast I didn't. Now that I am a bit older (okay 12 years older) I regret not seeing her more often. Don't get me wrong, she was a pill and very old fashion in things. One fond memory that comes to mind is just like in 16 candles, when the Grandma feels up Molly Ringwold (SP) well my Grandma did that a few times as well. Another thing I remember that was so not cool then but now looking back its funny is when I got my period she wanted to buy me one of those old fashion belts that held the pad in place I guess. Those were way before my time and when I told her that pads come with sticky stuff now she didn't believe that it would work.
It was her way or the highway and now as a some what mature adult I see a lot of her in me.
There is so many things I wish she could of seen that she missed out on like her Great Grandson, and Mike and just how I have matured in life. I hope I would of made her proud in the decisions I've made for my life, and mostly I wish at times when I'm sick or not feeling well that she was here to take care of me. I remember spending lots of time with her as a kid. She took me everywhere and I remember being able to play dress up with my cousin with her high heel shoes and fluffy robes and make up. I think she is the one that got me into the girly things like make up and nail polish because I can't recall a day when she didn't have either one on. She was great, typical grandma I guess, loved to cook and always looked her best. So now when it's 4th of July and I'm looking up in the sky at the fireworks, I also look for the first star I see and smile because I know that, that is her looking down on me.

I miss you Muh and I know one day we will be together again. Until then I'll just remember all the times we had and look up in the sky for my star.

Carmen