Christmas Eve in the keys

It’s Christmas Eve, and I am in Key West enjoying the heat and humidity. Tonight we are going to open gifts so we can enjoy sleeping in tomorrow morning. Dominic is already aware that Santa probably wont be coming here for Christmas and if he comes at all (D, I believe was on the naughty list a few times) he most likely will go to our home in San Diego. So it’s nice too be around my family this year for Christmas. It’s almost bitter sweet because this is our last time being in this house since my parents will be moving soon and we probably won’t make it down here again before then. Great memories in this house but that’s what is so wonderful about it; it’s not so much the house but the memories and you don’t necessarily have too have a house too keep the memories. Right?

My friend Liz who is one of my longest and best friends drove down from Pembroke Pines to see me the other day and too introduce me too her new boyfriend. Carlos seems like a really good man and she seems very happy so that is all I want. Her too be happy. I told him when she was not around too not hurt her because she’s already been hurt and doesn’t deserve to go through that again and he promised me. I wonder if he’ll tell her I gave him a lecture. Like a mother would do to her daughters’ boyfriend?

So I have already decided what my new year’s resolution is going too be. I’m not going too say like 90% of the people “too lose weight or too get fit” because with this diet I am already losing weight although I have cheated since I’ve been in Key West but my new years resolution is going to be 3 things, 2 I already somewhat do. 1) To pray everyday NO MATTER WHAT. (I actually already do this; have since as long as I can remember) 2) to go o church at least once a week. The church we go too now has so many different times to attend a service that there is really know way to miss a chance to go once, unless I am simply laid up in bed. 3) Too write 3 things I’m happy about each day in my blog. This means I will be posting everyday but it may simply be just the 3 things I’m happy for that day but I am hoping too not quit this resolution. I think a life of positives only makes you happier and if I actually have too think positive thoughts then I will only end up being more of a positive person in the long run. So there you have it. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and/or Hanukah or what ever you celebrate.

Until I can think of something else too write,
Carmen San Diego

start of our trip

So I haven’t had a chance until lately too write in here but I have good reason. I was sick; real sick. They even think that I may have had the first signs of Pneumonia. I was so worried that I may have to cancel my trip but a little over a week and I am feeling 85% better. They gave me Vicodin and a Z-pak to kill what ever I had and to get rid of the pain and as long as I took my Vicodin as prescribed I was feeling a-okay. Now I am only taking them in extreme emergencies. I have watched too many of those talk shows where the stay at mom gets addicted to the pain killers. I don’t have any plans on my family having to do an intervention on me for A&E special. Have you seen those shows? LOL!!!

So we’ve been on vacation for two days and are in Santa Cruz, AZ. Visiting Marc and Donna (Mike’s dad and his wife). We are having a really nice time. Yesterday Michael and I went to Laughlin which is about a 20 minute drive and gambled. I withdrew 260.00 and believe it our not we were there for about 7 hours and came home with our 260.00 plus another 134.00. We even had lunch and numerous drinks and still came home with that great deal. I believe it our not am a cheapo when it comes to gambling and stick to the slot machine that are nickels and pennies. So I played for 5 hours on my 1st 20.00 bill and then had to stick my second on in and won 204.00 on $0.75 can you believe in? We were so shocked. I had to call my parents because they are the only other people I know that are into gambling and that would get as excited as us. Mike did really well too but I believe last night I was the big winner.

Today we are heading to Vegas for the night because tomorrow we leave for Key West at 6am. So hopefully we will be as lucky as last night. I think I am the only one that is going to gamble today. Mike is going to take Dominic in the roller coasters. That is if he gets over his sudden fear of them. If not we’ll walk around and go to the arcade. Then tomorrow up bright and early and heading to Key West. I can’t wait to be around humidity again. It’s been so dry in San Diego and very dry here in AZ. that I feel my nose is going to fall off. Plus dry air is really bad for me and my dry cough. I would much rather has the humidity. I feel better and don’t cough as much. It’s been freezing as well. Last night it got to 33 maybe even colder. I didn’t bring any closed toed shoes so my feet are looking forward to defrosting in Key West. Even now it’s only 43. BRRRRRR!!!

Well that about it. So if I can’t seem to get on here before Christmas, I’m wishing you all a happy Christmas. I’m sure I’ll be on before New Years so I’ll save that for later.

Until I have something else to write,
Carmen San Diego

P.S. I got my Christmas gift early from Mike and he gave me a digital camera that I wanted so no more waiting months for me to scan the pictures and upload them. I should be faster at it and will have pictures of our trip on here sooner that you think.

Down 11.8 pounds.

Week 10 and I am down 11.8 pounds. It's funny how the weight is coming off because to tell you the truth I haven't been exercising. Rather my diet was totally bad and I was in denial, or this diet is a miracle. I'm not sure what it is but I’m very happy to be 143 lbs. again and hopefully I'll get to my goal to 135 real soon. That's only 9 pounds; I hope I can do it. I know I can if I stick too it. I just need to start exercising to get more toned up because I am losing my butt and that is one thing I did enjoy having. Well I enjoyed it when I was a size 8 but not a size 12, LOL!!. So hopefully I will start finding more energy to start exercising again. I have the time I just don't have the interest in it these days. Sort of sad when back in the day one of my hobbies was to work out but I'll get back into the swing of things here one day I hope. So I planned on having this be an enjoying and uplifting entry and still plan on it but I wanted to let you guys know that Michael and I finally sat down and watched that lifetime movie "for Hope" it's a movie on Scleroderma that Bob Segat (the comedian) produced about his sister who had Scleroderma. Yes I said had not because she was cured but because she died from this terrible disease. It was on Encore the other night and we TIVO'd it. (Got to love Tivo) It's taken a while for Dominic not to be around so we could watch it since we weren't too sure what the movie was going to be like and we didn't want Dominic to get sad about the movie. Anyway, he's at a sleep over and so we sat and watched it. Man it was sad. I guess it's like any movie that deals with a disease but when you have that particular disease it hits you a little harder than others. Like I'm sure the movie "my Life" with Michael Keaton hit people harder with cancer than others and the movie Philadelphia hit people with AIDS harder than others. Or what I should say is that it hits the people that have that disease and their love ones harder than others who really don't have to deal with it. So we shed our share of tears today because it was hard to see someone with the same disease and her family goes through what I and my family and friends have to deal with everyday. Hers was much faster and took her life in what seemed like 1 1/2 years but luckily for me I am or have been around longer than that and plan on being around for a bit longer. I'm a fighter and won’t go down that easy. The movie is also based in I believe 1996 so I am hoping that technology and medicine has come along since then and is still coming along so that one day there is hope for me and others. So we did our crying but aren't going to let this ruin our Saturday evening. Tonight we are going to go eat with my brother in law and sister in law and tomorrow we are going to church and then to Jenny and Art's for lunch/early dinner. Then we are going to be packing our bags and heading to Key West within a week. Got too keep my spirits and my health up so that I /we have a great time while visiting the family. We are also planning on having a New Years Eve party so we need to start planning that and send out our invites. So I told you this would be a better entry than yesterdays. I'm happy to have lost weight and to see Mike's family tonight and our friends tomorrow. Then I only have 5 more days of work and we are in KW. Life is good. It'll be my first time traveling with my O2 but if it becomes an easy thing then I plan on doing more traveling now that my SS disability finally got approved and I'll have more of an income. Stay tuned for that one. Speaking of stay tuned, I remember mentioning that I would tell you what I wanted to have changed in my will. Well I will share that with you all soon, I am just still trying to finalize some details. I'll post it one day. Nothing to extreme than what is already in my will but a few changes. Then we need to go see Bill, our lawyer and have it all documented but I think we'll wait until after the holidays before I get that all finalized.

Have a great weekend, Carmen San Diego

Rough week

This week has been pretty difficult for me. I'm not sure why but I've been going throw many emotions that I don't normally have on a day to day basic. I've been coughing because it's been very cold here and the air is so dry. I always do a lot worse in the cold months but being that I'm not all that healthy these days it causes my anxiety to go in overdrive.

I'm used to my coughing and my anxiety that goes a long with that but Tues and Wednesday I was emotionally depressed. I couldn't help but too cry all day. Just seemed like everything was bottled up long enough and the bottle finally over flowed. I would have anger, fear, worry, you name it, I went though it. I haven't felt like this in a long time and actually didn't write in here until now because I wanted to get my emotions in check before I wrote something I didn't mean or if I wrote something while I was in the peak of one of my breakdowns people may worry more about me. So today I feel a little bit better but am sick. I think having all those emotions bottled up inside and not letting them out more often caused me to become sick. I have chest pains and am achy. I really think it was because I drained myself with all these emotions these past few days.

I know that I'm allowed to have days of "Woe me!" but the emotions that I feel when having them scare me. So if they scare me I'm sure they scare the people around me. It's really weird, the reason why I was angry. My parents have been asked to become God parents to friends of theirs new born child and even though I should be so excited about that for them and I am now that I am thinking in my right mind I was mad because I felt (at the time) that I was being replace and that Dominic was being replaced. Stupid I know but like I said I have a weird two days where my emotions didn't make any sense. I was thinking like "These people live on the east coast, I'm on the west coast, they are 3 hours away from my parents, so they are going to take my place, especially if I'm died, they will replace me." Isn't that morbid and insane? I was so mad that I was sick and couldn't have anymore kids and felt like this child is going to replace a grand child that I should be giving them. I was so dumb to think that.

ThenI felt like Mike was planning all these trips away so that he wouldn't have to deal with me. I even accused him of having an affair because I'm sick and he's been working out more and stuff like that. I told you I was having a weird week.

My panic attacks were so bad that I thought I would never wake up and that this was my last week here. I would cry in the shower and then yell at God because he wasn't going to let me see my son grow old or my brother get married one day or even meet his kids when ever he'd have one. I was angry at God because I had in my head that Mike was going to remarry and some other woman was going to raise my boy. I was afraid that Dominic would forget me. It was bad.

I went to go see the Tibet doctor and I think that is what started all these emotions. I guess I wanted a miracle to happen and since it's not I get upset that I'm stuck walking around with these tubes hanging from my nose. It sucks so bad. I felt so bad about my actions this past week. Actually is wasn't really actions it was just thoughts that would run in my head that I couldn't get them out for nothing. Anything that came to mind I would cry about. It was a long long week but I am better now and realize just how stupid I was this past few days.

I am happy that my parents are going to be Godparents. I think it'll be good for them. Jesus and Judy are really good people and my parents will be great Godparents. If they are anything like they are as parents or Grandparents then this little girl is going to be blessed with awesome Godparents..

I know my husband isn't having an affair, if anything he's having an affair with work because that is where his spare time is spent. Dominic will remember me too I know because we have spent so much time with just the two of us that hopefully he'll never forget our times together if and when my time is up.

I'm signing off now but plan on writing a more uplifted entry tomorrow or Sunday.

Until then,
Carmen San Diego

10 pounds lighter

I have lost 10 pounds in 9 weeks on this diet/herb plan. I didn’t originally start this for a weight lose program, but it seems that that is the only thing that is really occurring. I can’t really tell if my lungs look any different because I don’t have any CT scans or anything any time soon, but I can tell you I don’t feel any different breathing wise. It’s a little discouraging because I was wishing for a miracle but hey I’m happy with the weight lose. That alone is a great thing. I’ve been trying to lose weight for over 2 years and had finally given in and decided that I was just going to be a “chunky momma”. I never considered myself “fat” but I could always lose a few pounds This plan I’m on has been a challenge and I must say I have cheated more often lately than in the beginning but I pay for it each time.

Examples are: Thanksgiving week. As you can tell I skipped week 8. I may have been smaller it wasn’t that I fell off the wagon while my family was here. I blew the day we went wine tasting, but who could resist bake brie? Not me obviously. Brie is one of my favorite “comfort food.” Then later that night in our drunken stupor we ordered pizza and breadsticks and I believe I ate most if not all the breadsticks. We also went to Benihana’s while they were here but that was the one day I didn’t feel well. I was very winded that day and thought about even canceling at one time but didn’t. I took my cough medicine with codeine, and a half of a Valium and things got a bit better. Sad I have to rely on those things sometimes but it’s rare that I have too. I love Benihana’s and was so looking forward too their rice and what not, but when ever I take either one of those medicines I loose my appetite. So I actually only ate my salad and soup and bagged my dinner for us to eat the next day. Let’s not forget Thanksgiving dinner. I had every intention to overeat that day and said “its ok today, just get back on track tomorrow.” But for some reason I don’t really remember eating all that much. No wait… I remember now. I was too busy drinking Champagne with shots of raspberry vodka in them and wine. That’s right I drank my Thanksgiving dinner. LOL!!! Then stayed up until 1:30 am with Michael, my parents and friends Yvonne and Eric. That’s right. It’s all starting to come back to me. Good Times!!! So now you can see why I didn’t weigh myself during week 8. I fell off the wagon big time.

Oh I almost forgot. My brain things that it still wants certain foods. The other day, I think it was Wednesday. I craved Lobster raviolis. I couldn’t get it out of my head and nothing sounded good but that. So since I’ve been on this diet I’ve giving myself Saturdays to sort of eat what I want but it really hasn’t been too crazy. Maybe a piece of chocolate, popcorn and/or an extra glass of wine. Anyway, I said since I can’t get this craving out of my head I’ll be bad today and not bad on Saturday. I was so exciting I was almost singing to them when I ate them. Man they were so good at first. Then after like the 5th one (dish came with 8) I just started feeling really full; probably because they come with a rose creamy sauce, but I was starting to regret eating them. I had the worst stomach ache. And of course anyone who has overeaten knows what happens once the stomach ache kicks in so I will save you the rest of the gross details. I will tell you Lobster raviolis are no longer on my top 5 of foods. In fact most pasta is out now. I’ve tried them a few times since this diet and each time that happens. I can’t tell if it’s the cheese or the wheat or a combo of both because pizza bothers me as well but not nearly as bad as the pasta does. So when does my brain stop thinking it wants something when it really doesn’t? I don’t want to go through that again. I’ve done it to myself about 3 times since on this diet and I can’t seem to control myself.


I’m back on track feel great about the weight lose. The only bummer is that I only own size 12 pants. They are all way to big now. I can really only wear 2 pairs of jeans and a skirt. So , I thought I’d so and buy a few pairs of pants so I don’t look like a Hobo in my clothes and I’m at some weird stage. 12’s are too big and 10’s are too tight. They fit but they are a little bit to snug for my taste. I need too rather lose more weight and then go shopping or they need to find a size 10 ½!!!

I go back to the Tibet doctor and I am going to probably not make a follow up after that visit. I think that I’ll be able to lose the weight with out the herbs if I stick to the diet alone. Since I haven’t seen any drastic change in my breathing I will not pay to see him and get the herbs. I am bummed about it not working for me or me not actually feeling any different but maybe it’s too late for me when it comes too alternative medicine. Maybe I need too focus on just staying as healthy as I can for as long as I can and then pray, hope that I qualify for a double lung transplant and that that will be my cure. I know a transplant is not a cure but if it gives me longer to live with my family and friends then I’m all for what ever operation I need too do.

Until later.

Always,
Carmen San Diego