long week coming to a close

This week has been a VERY long week for me. I am feeling pretty darn good (knock on wood) but Michael has had the flu since Saturday so I really had to step up this week and help more than I normally do. Actually I am pretty proud of myself that I was able to do more than I thought I was able to do physically but I think it was because mentally I felt great this week. I had to do both the cooking and the cleaning which usually we share the jobs and go to work and help Dominic with his homework, but I also had to help Mike because he was not only sick but he had shoulder surgery 2 weeks ago and so he is still not able to use his arm for anther 2-5 weeks. So when push comes to shove I am able to step up to the plate but man it really makes me realize how bad these lungs are. I guess they aren't to bad because like I said I was able to step up to the plate this week (with the help of Dominic and man he was a big help) but I'm exhausted. Tomorrow is Friday and thank God for that because I am so looking forward to sleeping in and enjoying time away from work and not having to get up early and what not. Plus Mike is just now starting to feel a little better but I haven't seen him this sick ever. I mean he gets his occasionally sniffles and hang overs like us all but the poor guy lost like 15 pounds since his surgery. He got the flu bad and he got the freaking flu shot. Makes you wonder if it's really worth getting the shot.
So the weekend is coming; we plan on straightening up the patio since we really haven't had a chance since Loreen left because of rain and Michael getting sick, and doing a little around the house. Cleaners come on Monday which is perfect since all our guest are coming Tuesday afternoon. I'm so excited to see my Aunt and Uncle and Grandma and of course my parents and Bro but I never thought any other family would ever visit us since they didn't in CT. and now they are. We are going to have so much fun. I'm limited to stuff as everyone knows but the good thing is I finally have a scooter so I can do more things that include walking because Yvonne was nice enough to sell me her mothers who has sadly passed away. I hate the fact that I have to use a scooter now because it does show that I am getting weaker but I refuse to be locked in this house and be limited to few things. I want to be able to go to the parks again with Dominic and watch him on the rides and this will really help me out. Plus when we go to Vegas it's going to come in great, great help with me walking around from hotel to hotel. Funny but I never thought I'd be excited about being sick but I am excited about my scooter and being able to enjoy the great outdoors again. Thank you Yvonne (and your momma too)
I got my Dexa scan done but no results yet and my blood work looked pretty normal. WBC's and RBC's were a little high that is to be expected when you have an autoimmune disease, just means I'm fighting my body which it thinks is foreign. I go Monday to Dermatology to check out these brown spots on my face but I've been real good about using my Avon bleacher and I see a difference so I probably don't need to see them but better go just in case.
Oh I got on the scale the other day and I am 134 pounds so I've lost 21 pounds which is great because I know I will gain some back with the fam coming in. It's great being able to fit into a size 8 and small top again but I've lost a lot of muscle tone. I made all the girls at work feel my mushy butt the other day because they didn't believe me. I have a butt but it's like jello. I really need to start exercising and tone this up. I have a lot of loose skin which I find very gross. So I couldn't work out after last Sat. because we had Matt the contractor here doing Dominic's bathroom but today I forced myself to do Pilate's. I wish I could do more cardio but it's just not an option these days. Hopefully doing weights and Pilate's and my yoga I will tone this body up and get stronger. OK I've rumbled on and on and should sign off before I not only bore you but bore myself as well when I reread it.

Until I can think of something else to write,
Carmen
Three things I am Happy for:

1. Michael because he is starting to feel better now and get his energy back. Bless his heart.
2. Dominic first time ever he brought home his progress report and he wasn't missing ANY assignments. We are so proud of him.
3. Laughter, it really is great medicine.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

You probably don't think I remember this but I actually remember the first time I met you (or I think it was the first time). I was really young 4 or 5 I think and you came over to the house on Edwards street and you put me to sleep or at least tried to put me to sleep. I remember laying in bed talking to you, for what seems like to me was hours; it might have only been a few minutes but I remember. I remember talking about school, books, playing, my favorite toys and TV shows. I remember asking you a bunch of questions like your name, do you have any sisters or brothers, do you have a dog or cat, and you were so patient with me and I remember thinking what a great guy this is. I think even at that time I wanted to marry you. LOL!!! Simply because I wanted you all to myself. I asked you a key question that night after my mom came in the room to tell you to come out or maybe it was Michelle I can't remember I just remember the door opening and a female saying for me to go to sleep and to let you go and I asked you then to stay and not too leave me. You didn't you stayed longer, probably until I fell asleep but I remember that night so well and to this day you have never left me. You have always been there for me. From that day on you have never left me. Even when I was a rebellious teen and probably wanted you and every other adult to leave me you didn't. You have always kept your word and I thank you so much for that.

I remember crying about being picked on for being the chubby girl, to boys, or school, to helping with homework and teaching me to drive. To giving birth, to marriages and divorces, hurricanes, vacations, to being my private ATM at times. To hospital visits for Dominic as a child or to me as an adult you've been there for me. Thanks for never backing out of your word. I'm sure that every daughter thinks that they have the best dad but I know it. Life has proven to me in so many ways that you are the best and I am just so grateful that God gave you to me.

So tonight when I have my glass of wine I will raise it up and toast you on your birthday. May you have many many more. Thanks for being the best dad anyone could ask for but mostly thanks for always sticking to your word and not leaving me. I love you so much!!!

Happy Birthday,
Carmen

3 things I'm happy for:

1. Marty, because I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for all his pep talks and support.
2. Exercising today, even though iron yoga kicked my ass, I did it!
3. Motrin because I know later I'll need it. LOL!!!

week full of doctor visits.

So I sucked it up and finally went to see a Rheumatogist. I have put this off since leaving CT. but have decided to go and see one because of the brown spots I have all over my face and now neck and also because of my joint pain. As I figured they put me on a new medicine called Lisinopril. It's a ACE inhibitor used mostly for high blood pressure but it can also help with Raynauds (my purple fingers and toes). They also mentioned that it helps prevent kidney failure and since usually that is the next organ or really the first organ to go with Scleroderma they want me to see if I tolerate it and help protect my kidney. I've had problems with them (kidney's) in the past so I like the idea of trying to protect them before it gets any worse. So this new pill is like a 3 in 1 so we'll have to wait and see how I tolerate it. This also means I'm going to have to start the whole lab work again every few weeks monitoring my blood and urine and make sure my liver and kidney's are working correctly, so I am not looking forward to spending more days giving blood but oh well I've had to go through worse.

I also have to get a Dexa Scan done that test for osteoporosis. They don't think I have it now but I could end up getting it and since I'm already complaining about joint pain they just want to wean out anything that might be going on. I asked them for a pill I could take other than Vicodin for my pain and they told me no, to keep taking that as needed so I was sort of bummed about that because I don't want to get addicted to the drug but I have been really good with taking only 1/2 a pill when needed and rotating it with Motrin as well.

I also have a appointment for dermatology for all the brown spots on my face. I told them I have the opposite of Michael Jackson, he gets whiter and I get blacker. My face is browning and now I found a new spot on my neck that I swear popped up over night so they want derm to check it out. They ( Rheumatogist) say there might be a cream or they might laser it off depending on what it is. That's on Monday and my Dexa Scan is tomorrow so I will keep you all posted.

I saw my naturalist doctor today and she says I am improving every week but that I am like a very slow moving turtle, but as anyone knows the turtle is what won the race in the end so I'm ok with her news.

Mike is getting stronger everyday which is great and Loreen left but now Bill (our friend) is here until Friday. Our house has turned into a hotel. We call it the swinging door. Someone leaves and another one comes in. Before I know it, my parents, brother, Grandma, and Aunt and Uncle will be here and then again Loreen and Bill for her Birthday. So like I said we love the company. It's never really a dull moment here at our house. Too much company for us to get bored.

Until later,
Carmen

3 Things I'm thankful for:

1. naps, I used to hate them but now I love them.
2. sunsets
3. Having a day that I don't cough like a crazy woman. I thank the lord for these days.

What is your favorite time of year?

My favorite time of year is during the summer, when the weather is hot and the days are long. I enjoy this time of year the most because I am off of work and so is my son from school, so it gives us a lot of quality time together. We get to enjoy staying up late watching TV or movies, sleeping in and then spending the afternoons in the pool or at the beach.
The smell of chlorine or seaweed almost helps me forget that I am sick and so I enjoy for that moment as long as I can. I like laying around in our intertubes in the pool talking about what to cook for dinner, Caya our dog and betting if Michael will come out and join us or take a nap because he is tired from work. Usually the nap wins because unlike us in the summers his job continues.
Summer is my favorite time of year because in the distance I can hear the ice cream truck going in and out of the streets, children playing and BBQ's grilling. It just reminds me so much of time well spent with family and friends. I also go from red wine to Margarita's, rum (dark) and cokes and cold beer which is always refreshing on a hot day.
Summer is the time for family vacations rather they be just weekend get-a-ways, or planned long trips to visit family, friends or a city we haven't been to yet. It reminds me of one of my favorite holidays 4Th of July, due to the fireworks and sparklers.
Summer is also my favorite time of year because it's the beginning of football season for my son. Which means we are extremely busy 6 days a week with practice and games but as a parents it's so exciting to see him out in the field and trying his best not just for us his parents but for his coach and teammates. He really is a good player and I am not just a proud parent bragging.
Summer is also my favorite time of year because my birthday falls in the summer and every birthday that passes is another year I have lived to be with my family and it's another year I have beat this disease. To me it's sort of like "Ha Ha, I'm winning" kind of victory I have every time I get to blow out the 2 candles with the numbers (don't even try the 30+ candles anymore LOL).
Summer is awesome for so many reasons and now I just have to sit back and count the 65 days (I think) until my summer finally begins.

3 Things I'm Thankful for:

1. Pastor Tony emailing me to tell me they now have service on Sunday nights at 6pm which is a much better time for us, since Sunday is the only days we get to sleep in and I'm always so winded in the morning.
2. Rainy days like today so none of us have an excuse why we aren't doing anything other than laying around.
3. My husband because even though he is in a lot of pain he still tries to make sure I am doing ok as well. Got to love that man!!!

If:

Don't have too much to write today. Mike is home safely from his shoulder surgery and is trying to stay out of pain as much as possible. Dominic's spring Break is coming to a close and I am feeling much better than yesterday. Today we all have decided to pretend its Sunday, which means to simply relax and possibly play a game and watch some movies. I have decided to do an IF question since I haven't in awhile. Randomly picked this question.

If you could decide how many times a year you saw your own parents, how often would it be? I think weekly or bi weekly. When we lived in Key West it was great because we'd get together's alone (the 5 (6 if Nick was there)) or with our Navy friends and drink, BBQ and hang out. It was nice having them so close. Now, I always feel that the time they are here goes too fast or it needs to be spent on the go go go so they dont get bored, or so they see as much as possible of what ever duty station we are at. Living close to home or close to your parents makes a big difference. I think that is why Michael likes it so much here because we are so close to his parents and due to that we don't have to do much. We can just chill and hang out. But that is also because they are living close by and so we do see them more often. So back to the question I think I liked it when I saw them weekly or bi-weekly. It was really nice seeing them so often. I miss that a whole lot.

3 things I'm happy for:

1. My mom and pop.
2. Loreen for being a HUGE help with both Mike and me these past few days.
3. Dominic for stepping up and being the man of the house while daddy is not feeling well.

Things that make you go Humm!!!!!

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Spring Break is over too soon!!!!

Well our anniversary went by fast and so did our (my) Spring Break. It was very nice though but too fast. We had a little dinner celebration with friends one for our anniversary and two just to cheer on the Spring Break and warm weather. Dan, Glenn, Eric, Marie, Yvonne, Bill , Mike and I enjoyed a little BBQ and a lot of wine. Doesn't sound like anything different than normal at our house but it was nice. We didn't play any games this time, just talked so it was nice to "shop talk" both for the guys and us girls.

Then we went to San Jose for Easter but traveling is starting to become a pain in my and everyone elses ass and so I always feel like such a burden on everyone but know one seems to complain too much or actually at all other than me. I hate this whole living on oxygen thing and not being able to walk very long but oh well I'm still alive and I have to just start looking at the brighter side of things. So in San Jose we as usual ate and drank too much and played a lot of cards. We watched some good movies and got lots of rest. I always and this goes back to before my oxygen days have been overly tired at Loreen/Bills house but I think its just the life style. Everything there is slow and peaceful. I always feel bad because I want to take naps and sleep but Mike does the same thing so I guess its just getting out of the city life and heading to the country that we both just really unwind when we get there.

Loreen came back with us, because unlike me Dominic has a 2 week spring break and so she wanted to come back and babysit him even though I told her she didn't have too because my hours at work are so few. It ended up being a good thing though because Michael has to get surgery tomorrow finally on his shoulder. So it's nice she is here to help out because with these old lungs of mine I'm only good for so long. Really I don't know what we would do if she wasn't here it'd be the death leading the death. LOL!!! We'd be doomed and in a mess if we didn't have someone healthy helping us.

Today, was a weird day. I didn't cough not one time in the morning and actually felt pretty good up until my last 20 minutes of work then of course my luck rain out and I had a coughing attack. Enough though to where I wet myself a little. Funny I guess but also very embarrassing. If it wasn't for my wearing black pants to work I would of had to walk out with my purse in the front of me and my oxygen tank laying low on my ass. I didn't think I had to pee but I guess just coughing hard enough anything will happen. I don't think anyone knew what happened because it wasn't like when a little 5 year old wets their pants but it was enough for me to be like "Holy Shit what the hell just happened" Like I said no one knew it happened other than me, but now I'm sharing my lovely secret on this blog so I'm sure Yvonne who says she reads this everyday or what not will give me crap. So "Yes Yvonne I peed my pants at work! Are you happy?" Ha Ha Ha!!!!

So then I'm panicking about getting the hell out of there and not letting anyone see me and I walk as fast as I can to my car (which is like .5MPH) and hop in and the fucking gas light comes on again (it came on this morning I just forgot). So, now I have to get gas with wet pee pee pants and I'm already on the verge of a panic attack. So, I go to the gas station next to work and get out of the car start my pump and look over and there are two white vans trapping me in. One in front of me and one behind me waiting to get gas. For those of you that don't know I have a weird "White van Phobia" So instantly I go into panic mode and freak out. Hands shake and hearts beating up a storm and I'm thinking all the worst possible things that these vans are going too do to me. Weird and Crazy I know, I can admit to this but for some reason I have this phobia and I don't know why. So I did my sign of the cross as I always do hoping that God is going to get me out of this gas station alive. He did of course but everywhere I looked today on the way home there were white vans. Seriously. I counted like 30 of them. It was almost like a Twilight Zone episode. I was being followed or punked or both but they were there. So I rushed home and took a 1/2 Valium and now I can type this too you in a somewhat peaceful mind and know that I am just simply turning crazier by age. Going to have a cocktail and watch some TIVO and try not thinking about peeing my pants or white vans for the rest of the night and take a nice hot bath later on tonight.

Three things I'm happy for:

1. God for getting me through my episodes.
2. fresh clean underwear.
3. knowing I have a issue with all these phobias and fears but now I just need to take the next step and do something about it other than write in here about them.

To Michael

Who would of ever thought looking back to this old picture (we do have older ones but they are in old albums) that we'd make it to our tenth anniversary. I actually remember in Key West our friends had bets on us and called us the "I give them 6 months" couple. Yet here we stand 10 years later still raising our glasses to one another (now it's usually a wine glass). So what have we learned in 10 years of marriage? I can only speak for myself but I've learned...

1. That you don't always have to be talking while your sitting together. Communication doesn't always have to be verbal. Sometimes just sitting side by side in silence is much more important than rambling on and on about anything just too talk.
2. That even after 10 years together, I am still a very jealous person. I have gotten better over the years but I be damn if I see a woman giving you a look over or trying to talk to you when I'm not around. So I guess that means honey after 10 years I still find you someone to fight over, which I think is a good thing. Means the spark is still there and it hasn't blown out.
3. Sex may not come as often as it did in our first few years (I guess we are getting old or at least I feel old most nights) but its still great and as everyone seems to say "Make up sex is still some of the best." LOL!!! I have to admit though we aren't as bad of Raymond and Debra on "Everyone loves Raymond" are we when he says "I only get it on Birthday's and holidays." Ha Ha!!!
4. We still argue about the same things, death and taxes. Oh and house hold chores, what to watch on TV, laundry, and eat but we have seemed too learn that there are more things too worry about in life than those little things in life.
5. We still worry about looking good for one another which I think is awesome. Sometimes after so long living with someone you let yourself go and gain weight, wear less make up and/or just don't care anymore about your appearance because "Hey we've been married for so long."
6. I think we both have become more understanding with one anther. I think we both had a lot of maturing to do in the beginning and focused more on our own needs and now we try to focus on both ours and the family needs. I hate to admit it but I think we have finally grown up .
7. I still need romance. I didn't think after all these years I would but shit I'm a woman, I still like the little love notes here and there, the flowers that are "just because " and not because you are in "trouble". Little gifts and chick flixs. You name it I still like a little romance just like the next girl.
8. That we still need our space. We still need to hang with our friends alone and do things with out one another. It's nice to be able to have time away for a minute and then come home and clearly understand why we are still married and not in that "dating scene" anymore. I give anyone who is there now but seems like too much work for me after 11 years of being out of the whole "dating scene".
9. We've learned over the years that family is valuable and that we try not to take that for granted. We have learned to visit family more often and spend as much time together as a family ourselves doing things because you simply don't know when it will be taken from you.
10. I've learned that over the past 10 years you have not only become my husband, partner, soul mate but also my best friend and I am so happy that you have hung with me all these years with my health issues, crazy phobias, and temper at times. I love you babe and I am so happy to be your wife.

3 Things I'm happy for today:

• being able to spend ten years with my husband.
• for him being there for me in SICKNESS and in health
• His smile because it really is contagious (when its not a fake one, like posing for a family photo LOL)